Terrible Image Fun! by Bob Ross, Deceased.

I’ve been staring at this photo for a long time now, but I’ve decided that it’s worthy of a post. Crap like this simply should not be allowed in the gaming world.

Here, we have a background image of Balrog’s stage from the upcoming Xbox Live Arcade game “Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix” available, um, whenever they fix this. Allow to me to provide you with a link to what I mean.

At first, it looks like a pretty image. Then, you notice several horrible problems with the artwork. First off, the vehicles aren’t proportioned to life sizes. Then, you notice the backdrop’s terrible \__/ shape with a Microsoft Paint “Crazy Buffalo” sign on it (apparently the original Balrog casino, Golden Nugget, is a real place and can not be featured in a game such as this one).

Let’s continue our admiration for this fine piece of artwork. Next, you notice that the focal point of the stage is off. The place where the fighters stand are not symmetrical to the floor. The V and E in Vegas is tilted, whereas the other letters are staring right at you.

Now let’s look at the man with the top hat. I dare you to comfortably position your fingers in the same manner that he has. If you can’t make it out on a smaller screen, extend your thumb as far back and upwardss as possible, while pushing your other fingers as if a weight of 30 invisible tons had dropped on that one hand, breaking it at the palm.

Wait, wait, we’re not done yet. How long do you think it took to create those so-called palm trees in the background? One, two minutes at most? How about measuring the size of the woman’s disproportioned breasts compared to her creepy face? Care to take a stab at the strange mannequin pose by the man in shorts? And is it just me, or is the sequence of those floor lights off?

Here’s the best part, a quote from the blog section of Capcom:

Backbone is NOT drawing any of the sprites. Who the supporting studio is not important right now, and they will be given their due credit in the end. That’s what the credits at the end of the game are for. There is no conspiracy going on here, I assure you.

Wait a minute, back up here! You’re writing information pertaining to the game and providing us with this horrible-looking image that most decently-talented artists can do in Microsoft Paint? THEN you have the balls to say that the people spending all of their time and energy into this project are NOT important right now, even if you’re handing out their artwork? Consequently, you even insult the readers by telling them that they don’t need to know a damn thing about insider information on a blog?

Who the hell is this “Rey” that speaks such nonsense?

I’ve shown this image to several graphic artists and a game designer. Reactions varied from “WOW” to “HA HA HA HA” — okay so contextually they were all the same response: bad. Not one of them found any redeeming value in this artwork, and today I had one who managed to find this image to be “the highlight of my day,” whose name I suppose will not be important right now, and will be given his credit due in the end. After all, what are credits for?

In celebration of this, I have found a similar image that deserves all the discussion in the world. A little-known character has appeared in Balrog’s stage. You guessed it: Black Jesus, standing in the far right corner.

That brings me to the following image:

http://i192.photobucket.com/albums/z157/robatthewiire/blackjesus-1.jpg

If you had to ask, this is now my wallpaper. Well, maybe. A friend of mine has already posted it up as his wallpaper (who is both African American and proud of Black Jesus making an appearance, as these postings consequently lead former Black Student Union event coordinators and outreach campaigners such as myself to concerns of racism for unfortunate reasons, even without stereotypical connotations, delivering harsh criticisms to observation as opposed to genuinely terrible acts against minorities often seen in our culture [/social rant]).

Save Completed.